just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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