sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
