ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize