I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
