I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
