Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
