you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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