I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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