I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
