But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
