I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
