ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
