I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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