just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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