Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
