you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
