At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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