Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
