omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
