Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
