Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
The best revenge is premature balding
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
