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Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
My penis needs a shock collar
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
