I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You can't just leave with hair like that
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize