Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
