Duck Duck Cougar?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
