He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize