dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
