dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
