i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
