you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
