You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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