It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
