Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
