i think my mom watched the whole time
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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