Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
