Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
