U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
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