you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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