so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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