the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
