He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
