so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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