from now on my penis is your penis
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
