just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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