If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize