Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
