I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
