South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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