Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
