I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
so that wasnt chicken after all
your room smells of hookers.
And success
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
