Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
