I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
