Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
