oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
