I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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