Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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