i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
