Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
