Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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