It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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