I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
