I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
