Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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