I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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