Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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