There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize