We got so high we made milksteak
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
