either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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