Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
