Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
