you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
