I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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