They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
