Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
this hospital has no fireball
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
