I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
