Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
