just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
