I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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