Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
