Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
