he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
